Where Have You Gone, Joe DiMaggio?

When you don't blog I miss you and think terrible things about you. When I don't blog, I miss myself.

While I was gone Stasi and Micah came to visit, the fence began to stand upright (in the yard instead of the garage), I did a little match making, and I went to Yellowstone for the last time this season, saw Old Faithful erupt and ate at the Snow Lodge and at McDonalds and at the Chinese restaurant in Dodge City. I took pictures of most of those things with the best intentions of sharing them with you. But a week has passed and instead I have pictures of the bacterial mat around the geyser basins in Yellowstone. I know, everyone else has pictures and video of Old Faithful and I have shots of the ground around the edge. It could be worse. At least I am not sharing video of microbes.

I picked colors for the big room. Pumpkin Butter and Fall Leaf. Now I am deciding what to hang on the wall. My first thought was that I should hang mounted animal heads. But since I didn't have any, then I thought maybe I should hang pictures of animal heads on the wall. In sepia tones, so that it has that authentic western look. Or maybe western landscapes. Or shots of Dodge City. But then I hit on this great idea to enlarge and frame the pictures of the bacterial mats from Yellowstone. Authentic Western Art. I'm pretty much a genius.

I tried to move these things around and I only succeeded in underlining a random bit of the text. Forget what I said about being a genius.

Yoda Was There

Saw Yoda's car while we in Montana last week. Good thing he drives a Subaru, because Montana got about three times as much snow as we did today. There is no 'try'. Do or do not.

Wyoming Word of the Day

ven·i·son
[ven-uh-suhn, -zuhn]
–noun
the flesh of a deer or similar animal as used for food.

The Game Warden says that venison is the meat of any antlered animal. So in my freezer I have 'venison' frozen in camo freezer bags. I am unsure what similar animal it originated from. Maybe it is better that way. I also have some meat that is clearly labelled 'antelope'. So if you have any good antelope recipes let me know.

Cooking has not been one of my strengths, but now that I will be cooking 'game' meat it should be a lot more fun anyway. And the adventure continues..

This Is Not Normal

Ever since we arrived here 2 months ago in 103 degree heat and 0% humidity people have been telling us that whatever weather we are having is 'not normal'. Evidently they don't usually have this much heat, cold, rain, or wind. This morning I woke up to this. Several inches of snow and several more predicted before the end of the weekend. Even the meteorologist on the Weather Channel said this snow in Wyoming was not normal. So all I know is that I have no idea what normal is here. Except this is not it.

I was wondering when I could stop watering the grass. Now I know. I had been lamenting that I didn't have any fall decorations on the porch. Not to worry. I'll just move on to Christmas. (I think the sled was on the truck...)

This is a really great place because you can take your picture for your Christmas card the first of October and beat the holiday rush. If only I had had the forethought to have the Christmas decorations out on the porch.

And to all a goodnight.

Bailing Out

Now that I am a bank employee, I feel it is my duty to comment on the rescue plan, formerly known as the bail out.
Previously, all I knew about bank crises I learned from the movies. Mary Poppins and It's a Wonderful Life to be exact. In one I learned that tupence can cause a run on the bank and people will lose their jobs if that happens and if you want to feed your money to the birds you might as well. Then go fly a kite.
In the other I learned that your money isn't really in the bank. It's in Joe's house. And banking is complicated by fat men who want to own the whole town and who have only their interests at heart. And if at the end of the day you still have two dollars you should kiss them and put them back in the vault.
This week at work the president of Dodge City Federal issued a question and answer sheet to help us answer people's concerns about the stability and safety of their money in our bank.

Q. How safe is our bank?
A. Very safe

Q. How do I know you're not just saying that?
A. Good question.

(Actually the answer to question #2 involved something about foreclosures but since neither the Bank's nor the Bailey's ever had any foreclosures on their houses I don't have a frame of reference for this kind thing.)

Just so you know there were also three more pages of questions and answers. So there you have it. We will be effected of course by the bail out, er, rescue as it results in more regulations. We will probably have to charge more fees. I think that's how it will work. Yeah, that's it. I think I'm ready to have a financial blog as well. Unfortunately, I will be on retreat this week with PD. Fulfilling my role as pastor's wife. So the financial world will have to blunder on without me this week. As will you, since I expect I will be too far from civilization to update. But I'll be thinking about you.

I will be near Butte, Montana. I have no idea where that really is. All cities in Montana start with 'Bs'. Billings, Bozeman, Butte. Like Ohio with 'Cs'. Cinncinnati, Cleveland, Columbus. And PA. Pittsburgh and Philadelphia. Does that confuse anyone besides me? I wrote that really small so stalkers can't find me. Notice I used a lot of code names as well. Pretty tricky, huh?

Toe Jam Wham

For Jesse--

The Measure of A Man (4-Him Lyrics)

This world can analyze and size you up

And throw you on the scales

They can IQ you and run you through

Their rigorous details

They can do their best to rate you

And they'll place you on their charts

And then back it up with scientific smarts

But there's more to what you're worth

Than what their human eyes can see

Well you can doubt your worth

And search for who you are and where you stand

But God made you in His image

When He formed you with His hands

And He looks at you with mercy

And He sees you through His love

You're His child and that will always be enough

For there's more to what you're worth

Than you could ever comprehend

Oh I say the measure of a man

Is not how tall you stand

How wealthy or intelligent you are

Cause I found out the measure of a man

God knows and understands

For He looks inside to the bottom of your heart

And what's in the heart defines

the measure of a man.

Choreograph that.

Tom Sawyer

Here is the fence that I scavenged from the neighbor's yard. (They weren't using it.) I looked around to see what kind of fence I would like and I liked theirs. So I knocked on the door and introduced myself and asked if I could have their fence. And they thought about it and decided I could. There were a couple of problems. Like how I was going to get it from their yard to my yard. And the fact that it looks like it belongs in a scary cemetery. But I did not let that deter me.

I got six ten-foot sections from which I should be able to salvage about 3 pretty good sections. Some of the wood is in bad shape, but that is what gives it character. I like it. I have been working on sanding and today I started priming. Notice that there aren't any people in my fence pictures. Mark Twain would have you believe that if you start painting a fence people will show up and beg to help you. And give you things in the process. Here is the sanding. And the painting.

But no helpers. Dave says maybe I didn't look like I was having a good time. I don't think my passersby would know a good time if they saw one. Cause I was having a good time. I offered Dave the choice of sanding or painting and he chose painting. If he could have chosen to pass by he would have, but I didn't offer that as a choice. Doesn't he look like he is having a good time?

We also walked over to the building center and bought posts. Now I just need someone to help build the posts and reassemble my sections into a fence in my yard. Maybe Micah would like to do this. While he is here he can build me some storage cabinets over the dog kennel. And a few 'built-ins' in the big room. You know, in keeping with my 'craftsman style' house. I'd let him do that for me, cause I hate to keep all the fun to myself.

A Story of 3 (or 4) Moms

Story #1--Mom # 1
Or should I call her #1 Mom?
When my mother was a little girl there was a truckload of people going down the street in her little town. A child in the front seat stuck his head out the window to shout something to someone in the bed of the truck as they were going past a telephone pole. The back of the child's head struck the telephone pole. My mother recounted this story any time one of my six siblings or I stuck our head out the car window. Or any time we drove past a telephone pole. And occasionally at bedtime. Just to remind us NEVER to stick our head out the car window. Consequently, and because I have a visual image of this accident created in my head, I never allowed my children to stick ANY body part out the car window. Not your head. Not your arm. Not your feet. Don't let me see your little finger wiggling outside the window. Or I'll have to tell you Grandmas's gruesome story of the little boy from Summerhill.

Story #2--Mom #2
And that is too high to be a ranking. Just ordinal.
One day, on the way to vist my mother, I had Abi strapped safely in her carseat in the back seat and the window down just a little, (You know, just in case she forgot and tried to stick a body part out.) when the child started screaming hysterically. You know the kind of scream that involves blood or pain. I glanced back, pulled over, examined the child and could find no reason for her distress. I calmed her and continued to drive about 10 minutes to my Mom's house. When I unbuckled Abi from her car seat and lifted her out a dead bee fell from the folds of her shirt. The bee had flown in the window as I was driving 55 mph down the road and stung her while she was strapped in the car seat. How was I to know?

Story #3--Mom #3
Hang with me--I'll connect them in a minute.
A six year old is strapped in her car seat. The window is down just a little. She ties one end of the jump rope to her hand and puts the other end out the window. It wraps around the axle and severs her hand. She screams, her mother pulls over. And sees a bloody stump. With no reasonable explanation.

Mothering is something you always keep learning. You learn from books, and from your Mom's advice. And her mistakes and your own mistakes. You learn to ask questions and you learn to ask better questions. (Will there be a boat?) But at the end of the day you find out that there is one more thing that you should have done or one more thing that you could have worried about. And sometimes you just find yourself on the side of the road wondering what the heck just happened here?

One reason it is good to have your kids close together: If you mother for too long it is too hard. On everyone.
So as Alex goes out the door to school I tell him to be honest, respectful, responsible and not to tie a rope around ANY body part and put the other end out the car window.

Story #4--Mom #4
Claire will be a year old tomorrow. She has a great mother. I resist the urge to call her and ask if she's seen that news story about the little girl and the jump rope. Mothering is hard enough.

Sometimes the best thing to do is pray and trust the Father. Is it that I am a slow learner or just that there is so much to learn?.

Rate My Space

The big reveal of the dining room...

I have scavenged a wedding cake chandelier for the ceiling, but it needs to be rewired. Maybe when Carter drops by he'll bring a friend who will know how to do this. Here's hoping...

Notice the new arrangement of the fruit pictures. It is a rectangular arrangement in keeping with the craftsman style of the house. Dave says if he hears the words 'Craftsman Style' one more time he will block HGTV. I think it is in my package with ESPN so I am safe.

(See Dixie hoping that soon I will stop taking pictures and take her for a walk. She is the eternal optimist.)

Yellowstone

Okay, here are a few of my clearer pictures from the day...

Big Foot and the Missus Out For a Stroll

From the wilds of Wyoming...
...I know this is a little blurry, but I think that just adds to the authenticity. This may be the first sighting of a pair of Big Feet. Remember--you saw it here first.

Retirement Plans

Last weekend was the Pork and Putt. It is a church event where you eat pork and then you play putt-putt golf. The catch here is that there is not a miniature golf course with in a Wal-Mart's distance from here. But no problem for resourceful people in Dodge City. They just build their own. Yes, each family builds a miniature golf hole and sets it up in the church side yard. This is a lot of pressure on the new family. But I think we rose to the occasion.

We built Gobbler's Knob as a tribute to our Pennsylvania roots. Complete with an amazing likeness of Punxy Phil. (You may be interested to know that the large cardboard tube was on the truck because PD knew about the Pork and Putt months ago and thought the tube would come in handy. As would a certain certain piece of outdoor furniture which was not on the truck, but forget I even mentioned that.) You had to putt up the ramp, into the hole, then the ball rolled down through the tube and into the cup on the bottom green. Par 2.

I decided that we will build a new hole each year and after just 18 years we will have our own course which we can set up in the yard around the house. Then Alex kindly calculated my age in 18 years. So clearly this will be how I will spend my retirement years. Sitting in the rocker on my front porch handing out score sheets and little pencils to tourists. The prize for getting a hole in one will be a homebaked cookie. Alex suggested we invite Aunt Nancy to do the baking. Dave suggested we invite Aunt Sara to clean up after us. We will name it after my other sister. 4DS Minnie-Golf. Owned and operated by three little old ladies and their much younger little sister. So I only have to put in 18 years at Dodge City Federal and I'm good to go.

Also, the difference between lab work and bank work: In the lab all of the crap is carefully labelled and sealed in little cups. You decide if you want to open the cups and deal with it before or after lunch. At the bank you never know when crap will just come flying at you and you just have to deal with it when it happens.

Good News

Today it is 84 degrees and sunny.

One Way of Looking At It

The new grass is starting to grow. In a hair plug sort of way. Just a few tufts here and there. At first I was greatly encouraged to see single sprouts of green and then a definate green haze over the whole yard. But the more it grows the more uneven and scattered and weird it looks. Six by six foot sections with three blades of grass. Go figure. It is one of those things that is greatly influenced by my mood. When I am feeling good about everything the grass is growing and everything is green. When I am less than happy, the yard is a blotchy mess of straggly grass that requires great amounts of watering. Oh and more bad news. Today it was 84 degrees and sunny. The grass will probably grow like crazy and need mowed before it snows. And guess whose lawnmower wasn't on the truck??!!

What Not To Wear

Alex's crocs with crop pants.

(And my ankles are one of my best features. That's why I cropped the rest of me out of this picture. And really--its all about the shoes today.)

Have You Seen My Shoes?

A Pictorial Essay

The shoes I wore yesterday beside the bed.

My running shoes in the downstairs bathroom. My slides at the bottom of the stairs.

Three pairs of shoes in the living/dining room. All mine.

A pair just outside the front door.

The closet organizer designed especially for shoes in my walk-in closet.

Mangled--From the Trip West Archives

This is the picture of Dave's bike after it was dragged along the interstate. Thanks to Alex for having the presence of mind to snap this picture. Dave and I were busy trying not to snap at each other. Or just snap--period.

Going Green

A busy weekend pretending I was on HGTV. Two projects that are not quite ready for the big reveal, but here are the teasers.

First, the dining room wall. Just opening the paint can and seeing the color was a big surprise. (Somehow it always looks different from the paint chip.) But I did not let it deter me. I used blue tape just like on TV. I cut in around the edges and rolled the middle. I worked pretty much alone except for my imaginary friend Carter Osterwise who told me what a great job I was doing and wondered if I would like him to build me a little bench under the window. (I guess he will come by and do that project another day.)

The second project was an episode of curb appeal. See all my friends who came to help. And wait--is that Alex shoveling manure? Either I am very loved or Lori's sweet rolls are very yummy. Spread manure and planted grass seed on about half the yard. Got a permit so I can water it. The second half will wait for Spring. Found a little lilac bush when Dixie and I were out for a run on Saturday morning. (Good thing I don't run so fast or I wouldn't be able to find these treasures along the way.) Always makes me feel good to plant things. It is such a hopeful thing to do. Although it would be easier if I had use of my alternate hands--remember--the bucket and the shovel?

Stay tuned for the Big Reveal.

Not On The Truck

Don't worry, I am not going to start whining now about the picnic table, or the grill, or my downstairs vacuum cleaner. What I am missing is my jean jacket. I really have no right to whine about this since I almost stole the jacket in the first place. I justified it by saying that the owner of the jacket moved and left it behind. In an odd twist of fate it seems I have left the jacket behind. Unwittingly. So if you have seen my jacket, if I left it with you or at your house or hanging on a clothesrack somewhere or in your car, I just want to say that it was quite by accident. I did not gift my jacket to you. I would appreciate it if you would return it. To me. (The original owner clearly has no rights remaining where this jacket is concerned. Sorry, Ab.)

Horse Hockey

Last week I bought two little trees for the front yard. But before I could plant them, I needed to enrich my soil. So I inquired about some manure. Today a very nice lady delivered two bags of horse manure to my front door.
Yesterday Dave tilled up about half the yard. The very nice lady took one look at our soil and offered to deliver a pick up truck full of manure on Saturday. I must be destined to work with poop.
Yesterday I started my job at the IBHF. Good news--we send out all stool cultures and O&P's.
Tomorrow I start my job at the bank. Hopefully, I won't have to deal with any of that there.

Moose and Squirrel

I survived the camping trip.

We were in The Big Horn National Forest. Between Tie Flume and Dead Swede campgrounds. It was beautiful. Some things we did: (a colon for you, Ami!)

1. Rode quads. Alex rode first. Before I had a chance to ask any questions. When he returned (in one piece) he says to me,"Mom, if you knew what we were doing, you would have never let me go."

So the next time I went too. Part of the the warning label says do not operate without proper instruction or training. I'm pretty sure I had neither. What I did have was a good time. On the way back to camp Dave and I switched places and I rode on the back of Alex's quad. I'm pretty sure that's how the Swede died.

Alex: We need to get one of these.

Me: How much do you think one of these costs?

Alex: I don't know, but I'm sure it's worth every penny.

2. Slept in our tent. We bought a queen sized air mattress. It almost filled out little tent, so we had to almost slide in on our bellies. Alex and Dixie slept pretty well. Dave and I, not so much. My toes got cold and I was claustrophobic from sleeping so close to the top of the tent.

3. Played games--all sorts. We played a dice game called Greed and and card game called Avarice. (No really it was called something about up and down a railroad track.) And Dave played several matches of Bocci Ball. It becomes a whole new game played by a group of men in a forest. One of the guys called it "Jungle Bocci".

4. Ate all of our meals cooked over an open fire. Used the mountain pie maker. Made smores and banana boats. Had bacon and dippy eggs this morning. Can you say "Cabelo's"?

5. Saw wildlife. Because it is an open range area, there were cows wandering in and out of the area where we were camping. Squirrels which drove Dixie crazy. Grey Jays, (They look and act like bluejays, but they aren't blue) which the locals called camp robbers. And one large bull moose. Just walking through the woods. Way cool.

6. Went fishing. Dave did this with a few guys away from the campsite. I was not invited to go. Still no fishing for me. I did take along a book from the library called Reel Women, about women who fly fished. I read chapters one and two.

Last night it started to rain, and thunder and lightning, and this afternoon on our way down the mountain we drove through snow. Who would have guessed. Now I am doing laundry. Not a bad way to spend a long weekend.

Tomorrow's News

Since I will be deep in the woods, high on a mountain (Sorry, I can't give you any more details. I am concerned about being hatcheted to death in my sleeping bag and dragged off while PD and Goober snore away) I will give you another post today. It is rightly titled:

I Have Three Jobs

The first one is Pastor's Wife. My duties are to keep PD happy. It is a full time job that doesn't pay that well, but the benefits are not bad.

The second job is a very part time teller at the bank in downtown Dodge City. Let's call it Dodge City Federal. I do not start it until next Thursday. I don't know much about it except that I will meet a lot of people and as I've already told you, "Activists are people who know people". Already I know the bank president, and the head teller. I hope I get an employee discount.

The third job is less-than-part-time Med Tech at the hospital just south of Dodge City. I haven't started that job either. I train a few days in September and I work two days the end of October. The hospital has six beds. The personnel offfice is a desk in the supply closet. The lab is one room-I will work alone in it. Let's call it Itty Bitty Healthcare Facility-IBHF. I hope I make enough to support my fly-fishing.

For having three jobs, I don't really have much to do today.

Too Much Information? or Why Do All My Titles End With Question Marks?

My counselor told me that I don't have to tell everyone everything. (Maybe I shouldn't tell you that. Maybe you will be freaked out that I ever needed therapy. Or maybe you can just relax because you don't have to figure out a way to suggest I see a therapist. Been there. Done that.) So I'm thinking that maybe my blog is full of too many details. And that someone will happen across it and start reading and be unable to stop and will want my life. So they will stalk me, and get plastic surgery to look like me, and will kidnap me, and move in here. So to protect myself and so we don't all end up being an episode of Law and Order, I've been thinking about using code names. Like I refer to my husband as PD. And I never really name the town I live in. I call it Little Town, or Ghost Town, or Dodge City. And I never use my kids real names. I call them Princess, or Goober. And I refer to others by acronyms SWDGM--she who doesn't get me, or fairy tale characters like Cinderella.
So if you want to suggest your own code names now would be the time. I will consider your suggestions, but just know in advance that I already have some names that I use in my head to refer to you. In fact, now that I think about it, it may be safer for me just to use your real names.
I am going camping this weekend. With several families from the church. They will be sizing me up and studying how I react to adverse conditions. I will making up names for them in my head. I'll let you know how it goes.

I Have A Zucchini or Are You Out of Your Mind?

I have a zucchini that I'm going to cook for supper.
One late summer day, back in my childbearing years, (okay, back in my first childbearing years) ((when 135 pounds was my delivery weight and 125 was my panic weight not my fantasy weight)), I told my husband I had considered buying a bikini. He thought I had said I almost bought a zucchini and responded by asking, "Are you out of your mind?" Because we had an overabundance of free for the asking zucchini available. (A few tempers were very nearly lost over that one.)
I should have bought the bikini. I should have worn it the rest of that summer and most of the next one. I should have played in the sandbox with the girls, and flown kites, and mowed the grass in it. (Really, girls, go put your suits on right now and wear them all day.) I regret that I missed my chance on that one. It would still be a good story.
Remember the pastor's wife who used to live here?
You mean the one with the really nice garden?
Oh, yeah, they'd still be talking.

Cowboy Up?

Cowboy #3--This guy is at a restaurant/casino between here and Billings. He is holding a gun. I think the one near the rodeo in Cody is actually holding a branding iron. Yeehaw!
Obviously I will be planning my next vacation to see more of these giant 'muffler men'. Maybe a Tour de Muffler Man?

Wonders Never Cease

Alex rode his bike to and from school yesterday. Without incident.

Walk-ins Welcome

I just finished reading "The Zookeeper's Wife." (Time to read--the luxury of not having a 'real' life.) It is set in Poland during World War II. Some intriquing quotes about those who risked their lives and the lives of their families to rescue and hide others.

Rescuers tended to be decisive, fast-thinking, risk-taking, independent, adventurous, open-hearted, rebellious, and unusually flexible--able to switch plans, abandon habits, or change ingrained routines at a moments notice. They tended to be nonconformists, and though many rescuers held solemn principles worth dying for, they did not regard themselves as heroic. "We did it because it was the right thing to do."

It makes me question whether I would be one of those people. I would hope so. Certainly I want to believe I would. It haunts me to think that I might be more apt to hide in my own closet than hide someone else there. Not that I would wish you ill, or rat you out. I just might not invite you in.

"(They) were not just idealists but activists, and activists are, by nature, people who know people."

So I'm seeing myself more as an idealist and less of an activist. But I find myself in a new place. With a huge walk-in closet that I didn't think I really needed. And a part time job at the bank(!?) that I have no qualifications for. So clearly God has something in mind for me. Let's hope I'm adventurous enough to grab hold of it.

(I was kind of hoping that this was the point in my life where I just fly-fished and took it easy.)

Wyoming Fly-fishing Trivia

Had some people over for banana splits last night. Found out this little bit of trivia. (I am having a hard time knowing when people are telling me the truth or just messing with me. I googled this to verify.)
In 1878, Thomas Edison was camping in Wyoming when someone accidently knocked a bamboo fishing pole into a campfire. He noticed its resistance to burning. When he went back to his lab in New Jersey, he proceeded to produce millions and millions of light bulbs with bamboo filaments, until he got the bright idea that tungsten worked even better.
Who knew?
Once someone I know accidently knocked a fishing pole over the side of a boat in Pennsylvania. I don't think we discovered anything except how kind and forgiving the owner of the pole was.

Time Zone Issues

Just in case you are concerned that I am staying up late and blogging in the middle of the night, that is NOT the case. My computer does not realize it has changed time zones. It still thinks it lives in the East. Sorry for any confusion this causes. It confuses us.
Dave: I should call my mother.
Me: It's one o'clock in the morning there.
Dave: Oh. I'll wait till morning.
We are still having the debate if we are ahead of you or behind you. It's earlier here so we must be ahead of you. But you have already lived these hours so we must be behind you. See how we are.

The Chairs That Rock

Here you are Amanda--Chairs that rock (and swivel) direct from a backyard in Wyoming to the living room you have never lived in:
Notice the rug. On HGTV they have this show where people come into your house and scavenge thing from other rooms. That's the story on this rug. (It used to be in Abi's room back when Abi had a room in my house.) Before my intervention for my HGTV addiction, I think I will post pictures of my house on Rate My Space and then that great guy will come here with his TV crew and his carpenter and redo my space. I'll let you know when my episode airs. Hopefully I will not be locked away in rehab. Now I just need to find out how I can get on Curb Appeal.

Project in Progress

The dining room chairs. Sara and I recovered these many moons ago in Mars. At that time my husband assured us that the backs could not be removed so we just made slipcovers for the backs and recovered the seats. I loved this fabric. But it wore out. The chair and table and hutch remain in good condition, so I am recovering the chairs. Again. Only this time my husband found a way to remove the backs so I can recover them completely. This is a lot more work than slipcovers. It would be easier if Sara would come and help me. (Maybe she can make up for it by helping me plan my landscaping...) But I am liking the finished product. What I can't figure out is how they redo a whole room in a single day on HGTV.

Also, I dropped off an application at the bank today. They have an opening for a teller for a few hours a week. I need to get out of the house and break my addiction to HGTV. Or maybe I could use the extra money to fund my addiction...

Touring the Grounds

Here is a picture of the house. It is a little cottage-like thing built originally around 1930. It was completely remodeled this year. It kind of has a beachy look. The yard, however, is early Wyoming.

A little dry...But the front 'yard' has that lovely gazing ball, so I can see more of it at one time.

Nothing else to see here. Move on.

My Car at Home