Friday, January 08, 2010

What Not To Underwear

From CNN: President Barack Obama in remarks on Thursday took ultimate responsibility for security failures that led to the botched bombing and ordered reforms aimed at thwarting future attacks.

This comment interests me. Having inherited the messy gene, I have struggled with organization since I moved out of my mother's house. I manage a pretty good front, but private areas suffer. I never quite get to cleaning out the closets. I loved when my car had an actual trunk. (I loved having an actual car.) And my underwear drawer is a sight no one should ever see. So I have arranged with my daughters, when they hear about my death, to go immediately to my underwear drawer, empty the entire contents in to a brown paper bag, and throw it away. Did I mention that the word immediately? There is nothing in there anyone else will ever use. Trust me.
I flew the day before the underwear bomber did. I wore slip on shoes to aid my passage through airport security. I flew back home before the new security measures were in place. I am glad for this. If the shoe bomber results in my going barefoot through security, what will be the result of the underwear bomber? Will there be airport security approved panties, like there are airport approved ziplock bags? Or will I have to strip down and put my panties in the little basket with my shoes? Will holes in my undergarments show up on a full body scanner?
It took us two days to travel each way. When I packed for the return trip I only had one pair of clean underwear. So I borrowed a pair of the STPs boxers for one day. I chose NOT to wear them the day we flew. Just in case.
Anyway, I am puzzled that the President is taking responsibility for all of this. Does this mean that he will be ultimately responsible for my underwear as well? Will he come with the brown paper bag when I am gone, or just legislate the way I fold and store my underwear? Will there be an additional tax if I borrow underwear?
Also, I'm thinking 'commando' may not be appropriate to say when you are passing through airport security. I'm just saying.

2 comments:

Anastasia said...

I was thinking about this the other day (when i realized that most of my underwear were older than my marriage.)
And I was wondering: what if you die in a way that would possibly involve an investigation? would you rather have the investigators (possibly president Obama) see the state of your underwear drawer or wonder why it was totally empty.....

Miss Brenda said...

I'd hate to implicate you in a conspiracy plot. Let me think about this...