Wednesday, September 08, 2010

Camping Is Intense I -- Bear Bait

This past weekend was the Annual Church Camp Out On The Mountain.  It was our third time to attend.  You may recall we spent the first year in a tent.  Then last year Princess Amidala and I finnagled our way into a camper.  This year we were back in a tent.  In light of the recent and relatively local eating of people in tents by bears, I inquired about the safety of keeping food in my tent. 
Tell me the truth, I said, Do I need to worry about keeping food in my tent? 
I asked only one person whom I trusted (who might be named MIKE).  I even pointed my finger at him, because everyone knows that when someone is pointing their finger at you they really want the truth and you are required to tell it. 
Nothing to fear,  he assured me. 
So I slept three nights in a tent with a cooler of ground beef, bacon, and keilbasi at my feet.  Fast forward to Monday morning.  I was clearing off a table and was going to dump a leftover bowl of jello in the woods.  The bowl was left in the rain storm on Sunday afternoon after the fellowship dinner on the mountain.  (Everything even sounds better if you add the phrase 'on the mountain'.)  It was not my jello, I was just going to dump it and clean out the bowl. 
OH,No! The group gathered around the fire exclaimed.  Don't do that.  It will attract bears. 
Are you kidding me?  (I thought briefly about pointing my finger at them.)
Sure, anything with sugar in it will attract bears.  Dump it in the fire instead.
Okay, so what about the ground beef and Hershey bars in my tent?  And why did we let the jello sit outside overnight in the middle of our campsite if we are so worried about bear attacks?  And who can you trust to tell you the truth?  So next time I sleep in a tent I will err on the side of caution.  (Luck favors the prepared, darling.)   So I will keep my food locked up in the truck.  Or better yet I will store it by MIKE'S camper.  And instead of moving stealthily, I will bang pan lids together when I go to the restroom at 3 o'clock in the morning. 
And that's the truth. 

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