Holy Smoke

You know the STP and I have come to an agreement on how we will handle our imminent eminant imanant nevermind deaths and our final arrangements.  Because the STP has all the luck, he will probably die first and there is a good chance that I will be left holding the ashes.  But now I am resting easier because now I have a plan. 
For a fee, two retired game wardens will load the STP's ashes into shotgun shell cases and put them in  a box and put that box into another box and mail them to myself. And when they arrive I'll put them on the mantle.  (It's brilliant, brilliant, brilliant, I tell you! Genius, I say!)  Or I can fire them into whatever targets or turkeys I see fit. 

Me:  What's a good price for shotgun shells?
STP:  I don't have a shotgun.

 Of course.  He will figure out a way to get a new gun out of this deal.

Some of my favorite parts of the deal are that, for an additional fee, I can get a "mantle-worthy, finished, wooden handcrafted box with a label" and that "all sales are final."
All sales are final. 
Is it sad to be looking forward to a funeral of someone you can't imagine living without?