Thursday, December 30, 2010

A New List

Things I did today:
Talked on the phone.  (Mom and Dad)
Made fudge.
Talked on the phone. (Queen of Underpants)
Made fish dip.
Talked on the phone. (Sister)
Made no-farty  gluten-free hearty party crackers.
Talked on the phone. (Princess Amidala)
Cleaned my oven. 
Okay, the oven is a self-cleaning oven.  I have owned it for two years.  I think I have cleaned it once before today.  Because of the cheesecake I made for Christmas, I am using the 'heavily soiled' setting.  It took me a while to find the instruction booklet.  I have the booklet open near the oven because there is a warning about what to do in case of excessive smoke or fire. I hope not to need to refer to that, but I don't function well in a crisis mode and, remember, luck favors the prepared, darling.
While my oven cleans itself, I am starting to think about a list of things I want to do in the coming New Year.  Some things are always on the list.  Just held over from the list of things I didn't accomplish last year.  But this year I am adding a new thing to the list.  In fact, I am putting it near the top of the list, because I believe it is so doable.
1.  Buy something at the deli counter.
While I was talking to Princess Amidala on the phone today (see above), she revealed that she finally bought something at the deli counter.  And I reveled in this victory with her, because I share her apprehension of trying new things.  Scary things like buying something at the deli counter.  And I realized that I have never bought anything from the deli counter here in Dodge City.  And I have lived here for 2.45 years.  I buy all my lunch meat and cheese prepackaged.  I have not made pasta salad.  I glance at the deli counter upon entering the store.  One time I even pushed my cart in front of it and looked at stuff in the deli case.   But this is the year I will talk to the person behind the counter.  I will order half a pound of something and have them wrap it up for me.  I.  Can.  Do.  This.
It's good to have goals.

Amazing Animal Photography

Horses standing in a pasture.  (Note birds on ground.)

Horses standing in pasture.  Birds flying on to horse.

Horses standing in pasture.  Birds standing on horse.

Horses in pasture.  Birds flying off of horse.

Horses standing in pasture.
Usually I miss the picture.  Especially if an animal is involved.  Extra especially if the animal is moving.  Here, for instance is a picture I took of a mule deer fawn.  (The fawn is just out of the frame-to the left)

 I have no idea what was up with the birds and the horse.  But the amazing thing is that I captured it with my camera.  Don't ask me any questions about why birds landed on only one horse in the pasture, or why a horse lets birds land on him.  Just be amazed with me.
 Of course it would be a different story if the horse was moving.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Petroglyphs and Pictographs--Off The List

Crossed one more thing off the 'things to see' list.  Petroglyphs.  Made the Goob go outside yesterday for a trip to the archeological site.  While the site was open, the visitor's center was closed, so we were forced to make our own interpretations.  First the educational elements for you.  Petroglyphs are pecked into the rock, and pictographs are painted onto the rock.  The signage at the site admits that rock art is difficult to decipher and extremely difficult to date.  It also says that most archeologists agree that it probably represents complex mythological and religious concepts of the artists.  I have my own thoughts on archeologists. 
Here then are my own interpretations.  The rock artists were most likely aliens.
As evidenced by their drawings.

And the drawings were most likely done by alien children.  I know this is true because of the marker board in the dining room in the house where I grew up.  My Dad brought the dry erase marker board home when the dry erase marker was a brand new concept.  And hung it on the wall in the dining room.  It is still hanging there today.  My parents use the top half of it to write down reminders of their doctor appointments.  But in its heyday we played hangman on it, and drew flattering pictures of each other and dinosaurs and other mythological creatures, and practiced writing our names. (The oldest of us siblings are older than the concept of dry erase markers and we practiced writing our names by carving them with a pen or pencil into the windowsills.  May be the reason my parents invested in the marker board.)  The grand kids and great grand kids still use the bottom half this same way.
My Mom and Dad rarely drew anything on the board.  Certainly nothing of mythological proportions or that would reveal their religious concepts.  But the dry erase markers were kept high up on top of the board, rather than on the lower ledge.  Because a child could not walk by the marker board without drawing on it.  And when the marker board was full they would keep on drawing.  On the wall beside the board.  Or on a sibling or cousin standing too close.  Or on themselves.  (And while dry erase markers erase easily from a dry erase marker board they are not as easily removed from other surfaces.) 
Here then is an alien child's picture of a rabbit.  His parental units were busy trying to repair the crash landed space craft and he was stunning rabbits with his phaser and asking repeatedly, "Can I keep him?"  At this point the alien mother gives the child a sharp stone and instructs him to peck some pictures on that rock wall over there.  Away from his alien father.

This is an area of the wall with multiple drawings which are especially difficult to decipher.  It happens when the alien mother forgets to draw a line down the middle of the marker board stone walls to clearly delineate where each alien child may draw.  "He's drawing on my side!"  (This is the point where my own mother would swoop in with the dry erase eraser, wipe the marker board clean, and send us outside to play.)

And, finally, here is the family picture. (In case you don't recognize us, the STP is on the far right,  The Goob is standing next to him.   I am the one with alternate hands having a bad hair day.  And our alien pet is on the left.)   Every child draws this one. 
When The Queen of Queens was a preschooler and in the stick figure stage, she drew a picture of me.  (I looked  just a little like an alien, but I had really long thin legs.)  Then she drew her dad, really little, holding a Bible, down in the corner of the page.  Thinking this must be indicative of some deep seated psychological issue or religious concept, I questioned her as to why she drew her dad so little.  "Well," she said, "You took up all the room." 
Which just goes to show you that you shouldn't read too much into a picture.   
(And it's usually my fault.)

Friday, December 24, 2010

One More Sleep

Worked at Dodge City Fed today and this is exactly what it was like at closing time.

...Faith is in our hearts today,
we're shining like the sun. 
And everyone can feel it,
the feeling's running deep. 
After all there's only one more sleep 'til Christmas.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Little Boxes

Called my brother, the original Uncle M., the other day to tell him to expect two boxes.  Left him a detailed, yet cryptic, message to take the small box to gift exchange and to leave the big box unopened until after Christmas.  He called back to say that after listening to the message, he was confused because he had only received one box.  One USPS flat rate shipping box.  One MEDIUM flat rate shipping box.  So he was unsure if he had the small box or the big box.  I told him if he was confused about which box he had, then he had clearly not received the big box. 
The truth is that I have never seen the big box. After I mailed the little box, I took the big thing I had to send to the UPS store.  Because I believe everything I see on TV. So I believe they love logistics.  And when I got to the UPS store with my big thing to send, there was a sign right in the window of the UPS store that said, "Let us make your holidays easier."  But when I went inside with my big thing and asked the two UPS ladies to make my holidays easier, they asked me to fill out a form, stand over here with my big thing, and they told me it would cost a 'boatload' to pack and send my big thing because there was not a box big enough and they would have to custom build a box (and I could tell from the tone of their voices that they did not love the logistics of building custom boxes) and what with how busy they were and that with all the temporary help the big thing might not get there in time for Christmas or in one piece, and then they quoted me a price which was indeed a boatload.  It was not at all like the TV commercials. 
So I loaded my big thing back in the pickup and headed on down the road, resigned that the original Uncle M. would be getting a small box without the accompanying big box.  Which would really be confusing and a lot less fun.
But later that day I drove past a second UPS store.  And I tried again.  And at the second UPS store there were two very helpful young men (who I surmised were the aforementioned temporary employees) who loved the idea of sending a big thing across the country, and they happily weighed and measured and offered to build a custom box and told me if there was no rush they would get it there as soon as possible but they couldn't guarantee arrival before Christmas.  Which was fine with me because my choices were narrowed as of now to arriving after Christmas and never arriving at all.  And they quoted me a price which ended up being about half a boatload. So I left the big thing in their capable hands.  And it arrived at Uncle M.'s before Christmas.  In a BIG box.
So if good things come in small packages, then the corollary to that must be that better things come in medium packages, and the best things come in BIG boxes. 
Since our gifts this year did not need to fly anywhere, I wrapped them all in big boxes.

Now Playing

Tonight the STP and I had hot chocolate and watched The Polar Express.  Last night we watched most of White Christmas.  That is, the STP watched it all and I watched most all of it except for the parts I slept through.  Luckily, 'The Best Things Happen While You're Dancing' happens early in the movie, and mercifully I was sound asleep through 'Choreography'.  Tomorrow should be It's a Wonderful Life.
 And, of course, The Muppets Christmas Carol will be when there's only one more sleep 'til Christmas.  In my opinion, and as Miss Piggy would say, "No doubt!" the best Christmas movie ever.   (I will not be watching The Christmas Story because it makes me want to shoot my eye out.) 

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Moon Shadow

 I was trying to decide if I was going to stay up and see the eclipse.  So I sent the STP out in the cold to look at the moon for me.  And he suggested I come out and see for myself.  The eclipse had not begun, but the moon had a magnificent lunar halo.  My wonderful niece first alerted me to a lunar halo.  She did all the research on it. 

This is the one outside my wonderful house right now.  I tried to get a good picture of it. I used my wide setting. But it is too big.   And it is dark outside.  So I changed my ISO.  (My camera will never be the same.  The last time any settings were changed on it was at the Grand Canyon, when a helpful tourist set them for me so I could take a picture with the sun in the background.  They'be been set that way since May.) I used my gorillapod.  I laid on my back on the freezing cold ground.  This was the best I could do.  I did not really capture it, but trust me it was awesome. 
I think I can go to bed right now and be perfectly happy.   After all, I've been blogging since the last total eclipse of the moon.  And my photography skills have not really improved since then.

Just Askin'

Why do lunar eclipses have to happen in the middle of the night?

Sunday, December 19, 2010

And The Answer Is...

Sending out the Christmas letter.  If you don't get one, you won't be interested in this list.  Even if you get one, you might not be interested.  If you are really interested, you already know all the answers.  This is for the other two of you. 

1.  TREASURER
2.  CAMPS
3.  MISSIONS TRIP TO MEXICO
4.  RAIN BARREL
5.  HEAVEN
6.  SUSQUEHANNA
7.  GRAND CANYON
8.  ANNIVERSARY
9.  PICK UP TRUCK
10. LETTER
11. GETTYSBURG
12. ON THE MOUNTAIN
13. ORTHODONTIST
14. NICHOLAS

Saturday, December 18, 2010

FYI

World English Dictionary


harebrained or hairbrained (ˈhɛəˌbreɪnd)
adj
rash, foolish, or badly thought out

Friday, December 17, 2010

Public Meeting Number One

Last night was the public meeting about the proposed truck route thru Dodge City.  It was my first public meeting.  We signed in upon arrival and got several pages of information.  There was a sheet to sign on if you wanted to speak.  I wanted to speak  and I had several questions so I signed on the sheet.  There were several policemen stationed near the back and the door.  Evidently public meetings in Dodge City have a reputation.  Also in attendence were most members of the Dodge City Council and every  employee of WyDOT.  Even the ones on injured reserve.  (Seriously, the one in charge of driving pretend trucks around maps hobbled to the podium and used his crutch as a pointer.  I wondered if his injury was a result of a previous public meeting.) 
Turns out you do not have to sign up to speak or ask a question at a public meeting.  But because I was on the list I got to speak with the 'speakers'.  My bad. I just pointed out my house on the map.  Asked them to number it.  Communicated that I thought it was a bad idea to put 'signage' in my front yard.  Threatened to lash myself to the tree in my front yard in protest if they proceeded with their hair-brained  hare-brained proposed plan.  I hope it doesn't come to that.  Because, baby, it's cold out there.

I am also gathering pictures of Council members' and downtown business owners' front yards.  Just in case.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Saving My Grandkids

The Queen of Queens called today and asked me to tell her just one terrible thing she did when she was little.  Something that would offset her one and only son toppling the Christmas tree over on top of himself. 
So I reminded her that she was the two year old who stood on the dining room table and twisted the hanging lamp until the cord snapped, the glass fixture crashed to the table, and glass shattered and sprayed all around the room and over all three of my baby girls.  And then the cord hanging from the ceiling caught fire.  On a Sunday morning of the church Christmas program. 
And then I reminded her that she was the four year old who took a pair of scissors and cut a hole in my couch when she was supposed to be having a 'quiet time' (or was it a time out?).  My couch that was just a few months old. 
I think Nick will live to see another day.

Monday, December 13, 2010

Advent Gem

Here is the gem from this week's Wild Goose Chase.  Mark Batterson had this to say after noting that God took Abraham out of his tent to look at and count the stars:
There is something about looking up into the night sky that restores my perspective and recalibrates my spirit.  It reminds me how small I am and how big God is.
My prayer is that God would use the rest of Advent to restore my perspective and recalibrate my spirit.

Friday, December 10, 2010

A Listless Christmas

Dear Extended Lane family: 
Hope you are not waiting for my Christmas list for this year.  Because I am not making one.  And I'm not reading yours.  So don't expect me to get you anything on your list.  Because the truth is that none of us need anything.  And also the truth is that I can't remember what I got you last year, or even what you got me.  (Of course last Christmas' memories are a blur of emergency rooms, hospital rooms, and funeral homes.  And my memory in general is lacking.)  So this year I am getting you something I think you will like.  And if I am way off, then maybe we should get to know each other better.  Or stop exchanging gifts. 
This year I made something for our three family exchange gifts.  Something I compiled, something I knit, and something I painted.  Customization ala Ms Brenda.  Now don't you wish I had your name?

Thursday, December 09, 2010

Overhead Structure With Signing

Today the Dodge City Gazette published a map of the town's latest truck route proposal.  It highlights the proposed alternate truck route through town. It is part of an ongoing struggle between Dodge City and the DOT in an effort to maintain the integrity of the main intersection in town and accommodate truck traffic through town. 
The map lists and numbers 21 structures affected by the changes.  My house has a prominent place on the map.  It is the unnumbered structure at the south end of the route.  It would be the house with the 'overhead structure with signing' in the FRONT YARD!  What the DOT and Dodge City fail to realize is that I am both the daughter and the mother of highway engineers.  I know how to read a map.  I know that is my house with the proposed overhead structure in the front yard.  I've been thinking about replacing the dead tree.  But I hadn't considered replacing it with overhead signage.  So I am going to have to go to the Dodge City/DOT public meeting and ask a few questions.  Like: 
Why didn't my house get a number? 
Have you ever been as far south in town as Third Avenue South? 
How much shade will the overhead signing provide for my front porch? 
Can I hang my own signage from the overhead structure? 
Are they prepared to deal with this?  I hope so.

 

Tuesday, December 07, 2010

Squish Squash

I overcooked, not one, but two spaghetti squash.  Way more squash than spaghetti. 
Ever have a plan?

I Love a Parade

Our church had a float in the Dodge City Holidazzle-formerly-known-as-Christmas Parade.  It was my idea.  (The float, not Christmas).  It was the result of weeks of negotiating between myself and God Himself. 
I would not have gotten the idea except the Dodge City Chamber of Commerce lady handed the parade info to me while I was working at Dodge City Federal S&L.  You know, to deliver to the STP.  Which I did.  We (meaning he and someone else) should have a float in the parade I told him.  Because Christmas is really our holiday and we should celebrate right out in front of God and everybody.  We agreed that would be a good idea, but who could we snooker, er, ask to organize such an undertaking during this busy time of year.  (Plus, we've never done that before.)  We didn't even have an idea.  And, besides, I was going to be out of town that weekend.
That's when I got the idea.  To go along with the Treedazzle Holidazzle-formerly-known-as-Christmas theme, we could do the Legend of the Three Trees Story.  And we could hand out little chocolate treasures and copies of the story to all the spectators.  Okay, maybe God Himself gave me the idea, but I knew what to do with it.  I took it right to the Youth Pastor's Wife and suggested she do something with my great idea.  She politely declined and I politely told God Himself that I had tried my very best.  And besides that I was going to be out of town that weekend.  Sorry God.
Then that meddling Mark Batterson in his meddling Wild Goose Chase book wrote about how God Himself talked to Moses on the back side of the desert from a burning bush.  And how God can show up anytime and anyplace, and when He does, that place is holy ground and I should take off my sandals. And I, like Moses, had to make a few more excuses.  How could I build a float?  How would I light the trees?  Where would I even get three trees?  And remember I'm going to be out of town that weekend.  Sorry God.
Then the STP himself preached an advent sermon about redeeming the distractions this Christmas season and I had to sigh and try one more time. (I also had to remind God Himself that we now had less than a week to put this whole thing together.) So I took my great idea to my small group and in my small group (which really is quite small) we had three trees, lights, a trailer, a generator, and an almost free evening to put the float together.
So Thursday night we did just that.  I had a little bit of trepidation that we could not, in fact, pull this off, and that it might be an embarrassment to the church and maybe to me if anyone found out it was my idea.  And God Himself had to remind me that He had not asked me to be successful, just obedient.
So Friday night I was indeed out of town and the Three Tree Float floated down the main street in Dodge City in my absence and the whole thing was orchestrated by God Himself.  When I asked, the STP said he did not notice any of the parade spectators in their bare feet.  I guess they did not realize they were standing on holy ground. 
(The next thing God asked Moses to do involved a snake.  Makes you wonder what's coming next, doesn't it?)